


Starlight

by monneygrabber46



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Connor's P.O.V, M/M, i dunno, rating may change??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-01 20:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11494140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monneygrabber46/pseuds/monneygrabber46
Summary: "For a few days I just thought you were figuring out what we said to each other.That turned into a week.Then that became a month.Now I’m here, in bed, at 2AM, and I hear you leave your room."





	1. The First Night

It had been a few months after you got here.

You had been so oblivious the whole time. I was honestly surprised. That’s really saying a lot too, I mean, everyone else could tell I liked you from the start. But after the whole district made what I call the “us night” we shared how we feel about each other and you finally understood, that is, now you’ve done nothing but avoid me. For a few days I just thought you were figuring out what we said to each other.

That turned into a week.

Then that became a month.

Now I’m here, in bed, at 2AM, and I hear you leave your room. Everything in my body just told me to stay where I was and try to get some sleep until I heard one small voice in the back of my head say “get up.” I did. I was as quiet as I could be to not alert you that someone else was up. When I opened my door I saw you as you turned the corner into the main room. I followed doing my best not to make any noise. I stayed at the corner and watched you go outside. I furrowed my brows in trying to think of what you would be going out for. I finally made myself move and followed you outside. I opened the door to see you sitting on a rock looking up at the star-splattered night sky. I walked over to you, making sure I closed the door behind me.

“May I join you?”

You almost fell off the rock in surprise.

“McKinley what are you doing up?”

‘Just call me Connor’ I wanted to say but instead I just shrugged.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“You too?”

I nodded. You sighed and patted at the spot next to you. I sat down and looked over to you as you were looking up at the sky again.

“So…” I started.

“Hm?”

I looked up at the sky with you.

“You haven’t said much to me lately.”

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed you turn your head towards me.

“Listen Kevin if… you just said that to make me feel better-”

“I didn’t.”

I looked at you.

“Then why-”

“Because I… I don’t know how I feel…”

I shook my head a little.

“You told me how you feel, what does that mean? You were lying weren’t you?”

I felt anger rising up in me. You sighed and looked up at the sky.

“I don’t know how to explain it but… I am very much in love with you it’s just that I don’t feel like I…”

You squinted your eyes as if trying to find the right thing to say.

“… can be with you? No… like I don’t deserve you maybe…”

You looked back at me.

“I’ve spent that time away from you trying to think about all my emotions right now and just-”

You motioned something around your head with your hand.

“I don’t know how to handle them or something… and not just my emotions for you but for everything I guess…”

You looked at the sky again and sighed.

“I’m sorry.” You sounded sorry.

I don’t know what to say. I looked at the sky with you.

“Maybe I can help you with them.”

I moved to hold your hand and you let me.

We stayed like for a while until I couldn’t stop yawning and you made me go back to my room to sleep. I made you go back to yours. All I dreamt about that night was the stars and you, being my star-shine.

 

**;...::::...;**

 

I woke up the next morning actually feeling kind of rested. I got up and got dressed, ready for whatever today was going to be like. There were a few other Elder’s in the kitchen talking amongst each other. You were in there too sitting at the table. You looked at me as I walked in and I noticed your eyes seemed to light up as you saw me. I gave you a tired smile and got myself something to eat. I sat next to you as you gave me a welcoming smile and a nod.

“You don’t look exhausted for once.” You said and I looked at you.

“I can say the same to you.”

You laughed a little and shrugged.

“Well the coffee helps.”

“I still haven’t tried it.”

You looked way to shocked.

“You still haven’t tired it?”

I shook my head and you gave me an exaggerated groan.

“Take a sip of mine then.”

You pushed your mug to me and I exaggerated rolling my eyes but I couldn’t help but smile. I took your cup in my hands and and tried some of your coffee.

“Hm, it’s okay.”

You scoffed, taking you mug back as I laughed a bit.

“Sorry I’m not a coffee fan like you” I said starting on my cereal.

You shrugged and smiled a little.

“Well I guess it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.”

I wanted to kill you for that joke but I restrained myself by just eating my breakfast. The other Elder’s left to go do their jobs for the day.

“So…” You started.

“You doing anything today?”

I groaned a little.

“Besides the paperwork I mostly always have to do no not really.”

You nodded and looked at the table.

“Don’t you have to help Elder Cunningham today anyway?”

“You can just say Arnold but yeah, I do.”

I don’t know why, but I felt a little angry now for that comment.

“Oh yeah because you call everyone by their first name now.”

I looked away from you and finished my cereal.

“What?”

“Nothing…”

I waved you off and got up to put my bowl in the sink.

“No, what was that supposed to mean?”

I sighed and turned back to you.

“It’s just you call him by his first name except you never have with me… and the other Elder’s for that matter.”

“Well he’s my friend.”

“Oh so I’m not?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“That’s exactly what you meant.”

“No, McKinley, it’s just… different with us.”

I raised my hands in defeat because of that.

“You know what? Forget it.”

I went to my office, I didn’t feel like talking anymore. I heard you get up trying to get me and call me back. I ignored you and locked my door behind me. The rest of the day was boring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the joke is Mormon's can't drink tea either


	2. Another Day

2 AM again.

This seems to just be the time the both of us are awake because I hear you leave your room like before. I want to stay in bed, I really do, but after thinking a lot about today I just feel… kinda bad for reacting how I did. I feel like I must be tired or something because I just thought about it again. I avoided you the rest of the day and I really just… think it was immature of me. 2 AM sure does prompt a lot of thinking and feelings I guess. That and making the decision to follow you outside again. You were in the same spot as last time. I had my mouth open trying to get my apology out.

“You weren’t as quiet like the other night.”

You didn’t look at me when saying that.

“Well, I tried…”

We stayed silent before you patted at the place next to you.

“Do you think I woke anyone?”

I sat as you were just looking at the stars like before.

“Nah, everyone is a pretty heavy sleeper… except for us it seems.”

I chuckled.

“Yeah, seems so…”

I looked at the ground and let a moment pass before speaking again.

“Kev? I’m… sorry.”

You said nothing.

“Look I…”

I sighed.

“I just got annoyed I guess and overreacted at something that’s not even important. I think it’s just that I really like you and wanna be close with you but what I said today was just… selfish or something, I don’t know…”

I took a second to think.

“Look if-”

“I’m sorry.”

I looked at you, quite surprised.

“Why-”

“Because you were right.”

You looked at me finally.

“I’ve thought about what you meant and I agree. Look it’s not anything about you really it’s just that I’m used to calling you with the Elder title and when I think about it I don’t know why I still do.”

You looked back at the stars.

“I’ll get myself used to calling you what you should be called by, Connor.”

While I wanted to feel happy I shook my head.

“Well you don’t need to apologize-”

“Then you don’t either.”

You turned towards me.

“Look, let’s just drop this whole thing that happened today. We need to be able to talk about all this more at a time that’s not late, when we’re not tired messes. I think it’s just that I need to get more comfortable with you like you are with me… and to tell you the truth I don’t know why I’m not.”

You took my hand in yours.

“I’ve thought about the other night and today… and I’ve really realized that I like you so so much too. We just need to do more stuff together I think.”

You smiled at me and I didn’t know what to say.

“I… yeah, okay.” I said nodding.

“Let’s do something together tomorrow.”

I couldn’t help but smile now.

“Alright.”

You looked happy with that and nodded. We stayed silent and looked at the stars for a moment before you suggested like before that we go back to our rooms and get sleep for tomorrow. Luckily no one else was awake so thank goodness for that. I went to sleep pretty easily after that. I dreamt about the stars again but, it seemed empty.

 

**;...::::...;**

 

The next morning I woke up with a slight headache and a somewhat bad mood. I really can’t say why because I don’t know why myself. I’ll just blame it on the headache. I got up and got ready ready for whatever it was we were going to do together today. I opened my door to find you outside of it waiting for me. You smiled brightly. I smiled weakly.

“Hey.”   
  
“Hey…”

“Did you sleep alright Mc- Connor?”

Now I smiled.

“Yeah, I guess so… kind of woke up with a small headache though.”

“You going to be alright?”

“I’ll be fine.”

I felt like that was going to be a lie.

“Well, I have something kinda planned out for us if that’s okay?” You smiled happily at this.

“Oh? What would that be?” I leaned on my doorframe.

“I thought maybe we could have a little picnic? It’s not that hot today and actually kind of nice out.”

I thought for a moment on how this could go. I shrugged and smiled.

“Sure, sounds nice.” I gave him a warm smile and you returned it with a bright eyed one.

 

**;...::::...;**

 

You took me out to a decent little field with a tattered blanket and quite a small basket. You had called this “not a picnic, picnic” because of the amount of stuff you brought. I had laughed a little at that. You set the blanket down down and we sat on it together.   
  
“You were right, it’s a nice day today.”   
  
You looked at me with a friendly smile and nodded.

“Yeah, I was a little worried but it’s better than I honestly thought it was going to be.”   
  
“That’s good.”   
  
You nodded.

There was a long silence between us then. Just looking at the sky. The landscape. Everything looked so nice out here. You picked a great spot.

“So…”   
  
I looked over at you.   
  
“I was thinking more on my feelings and I thought that we have to take this slow, you know?”

You looked at me but I just had confusion on my face.

“Like…?”   
  
“Like being with each other and the idea of it”

I shook my head, I couldn’t understand what you were saying.

“We have… taken this slow you didn’t talk to me for a whole month…”

I knew I was getting angry again. I didn’t want to. I think today was a bad day. I had known waking up with that headache was a problem because now it’s coming back.

“I know and I’m sorry I think I was just in some sort of weird shock that whole time-”

“No… just…”

I looked away from you.

“Look, I told you I’m just confused and everything right now and with my feelings and everything else that has happened I feel like you should cut me some slack.”

I said nothing before getting up and leaving. You didn’t try to call after me this time.

 

**;...::::...;**

 

I had spent the rest of the day in my office, away from everyone. I hated and liked being in here alone. Hated it for the fact I always had work to do it here and it was a little crowded. Liked it because I could lock myself in here and be sad and alone with my thoughts. Sometimes it actually made me feel better. Right now though I didn’t feel angry or bad for leaving Kevin like I had. Just… on a middle ground I guess. I was dragged from my thoughts with someone knocking at my door. I know I didn’t feel great but when someone needed to talk to me I had to answer.

I just hoped it wasn’t Kevin.

“Door’s open.”

It was Kevin.

He sat in one of the chairs in front of my desk without looking at me, staring at the floor. The both of us must just love sitting in long silences because we were doing it again. I didn’t really know what to say, I was a little surprised he wanted to even talk to me again today.

“I think we were both in the wrong… again.”   
  
He didn’t look up at me. I just watched him wanting to know what he was here for. He sighed.

“Today didn’t go how we wanted, I should have something else.”

You looked at me now.

“I also… I have kinda been lying to you, I know I said I’ve been thinking about all my feelings but I really haven’t which is why I still feel so…”

You made some hand motions then just sighed.

“I do know I really like you though, and I know I say this and it’s stale sounding but it’s true…”

I started to feel bad now.

“And… I wanna try something that will maybe help me more” You smiled a little and stood up.

I stayed sitting as you made your way over to me and leaned over to give me a quick and awkward kiss on my lips. I was not expecting that. You smiled a little and I just sort of stared at you for it.   
  
“Was… that okay with you?”   
  
I nodded. You smiled a little brighter.

“Well… that’s what I came to say and uh, see you tonight if we both can’t sleep like usual.”

You left me sitting at my desk a little stumped. I think I was getting confused now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even I don't understand Kevin and I'm writing this.


End file.
